Noise Nazi

When you are single/without child living in a crowded urban environment, random outside noise does not affect you. You probably don't even notice it half the time, even if it's a crew of frat boys next door on a three day bender.
But when you become a parent, suddenly this shit annoys you very fast. Mainly because the asshole who yammers loudly on his cell phone on the balcony at 3 AM repeatedly wakes your child, causing you in turn much strife. I live amongst a cluster of apartment buildings, all three story walkups with balconies facing eachother. If I walked out onto my balcony right now I could see/hear:
The morbidly obese lady in a mumu reading and smoking while she hacks up a lung on the top floor across from me.
The guy below her smoking (not hacking his lungs out yet) while he twirls his stringy 'intellectual' goatee.
The other top floor balcony with their 'we're so hip' red light in the porch, usually one or two youngish people braying on endlessly and loudly.
Bottom balcony where some idiot bitch likes to take her cordless and twirls her bleached hair and blather for hours about stupid ex-sorority sister sounding bullshit. Very Loudly.
The dump-style backyard of my fucked up white trash neighbors, who are actually doing yet another fucking band practice in their non-sound proofed living room. It's 11:45pm by the way. I hate those people.
In addition to these eye/ear sores, I can hear the person who moved in downstairs being her brandspanking new annoying self. This little fat girl (who wears belly shirts, ech) likes to play country music at top volume late at night, and work on home improvement projects during the day. I honestly wish she'd bash her own skull in with that hammer of hers. Currently, whatever country crooner she's into is turned off, but she's watching a movie and cackling mindlessly every five seconds. Since she has all her windows open, Anthony has enjoyed waking to her crow a total of three times.
There's also someone on our block having a party (it's friggin Tuesday, what the HELL are you celebrating?), someone working on their car, and someone having a 'domestic altercation'.
I fucking hate apartments, and I really hate the people who live in them.