Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Self-Awareness Based on Others

I've been oddly contemplative of other's comments about me lately, not in the Taking it to Heart way, but simply an inner dialog post-comment. If I built my actual self-image based on these comments, I'd probably be a pretty warped individual, because how the world sees me is apparently quite different than any reality I determined for myself.

"You sure are into some opposing stuff" comment made by regular cashier at Safeway upon seeing my PCWorld and Wired magazines next to a copy of Rachel Ray. So, I'm a nerd that likes to cook? "Well, but you get all the crafting publications, too. Come to think of it, I've never seen you buy a Cosmo or anything..." *sigh* ok, So I suck at being a chick.

"You have a great walk, did you used to be a model?" comment made by aging busdriver who was obviously trying to cover for staring at my ass at 7 o clock in the morning. I'm 5'4" with esteem issues, how the hell could I pull off modeling?! Maybe I should've told him the practice in heels was from when I was a pole dancer...

"You can't NOT live Radioshack, it's part of you" comment made by boyfriend after 5th call on a saturday from managers. Damn, this one's true, but I am trying really hard to extract that from my DNA, I swear.

"You are more masculine than any of the men in our district, face it" comment made by former peer when I was a manager. I was only one of three women in the district at the time, but apparently the presence of boobs was just a sidenote. This one actually stung, despite the fact that I think it was supposed to be a compliment.

"You are one of those people that is old, but doesn't look it." I wanted to hit my assistant for this one. He's in his early twenties. Of course, then he proceded after this to stammer out even more excuses as to why I am old, chief among them my being a parent aged me.

"We're terrified of you" one of my newer managers in regards to both of my districts. Probably because I ripped their heads off for not training their associates, knocking off all their excuses as I used to be in their position. Fine, let them be scared. Maybe they'll do their jobs.

"You calling yourself normal is like me saying I'm short" from 6'4" boyfriend. I still want to know why I'm NOT normal?!