Until we meet again...

Well, kiddies, this momma's about to be cut off from her internet world for a bit. The computer should've been packed yesterday, but I procrastinated and we now have to scramble to relabel all the wires and shove this atrocity into a box. The move officially begins tomorrow, and will stretch through probably all week. Thank goodness my family is coming up on Thanksgiving day, while I concentrate on the bird, Rick will have extra hands in wrestling the crib and our bed together.
We actually went up to the house today, and I was examining possible locations for the stinky-poo cat boxWe were originally going to put it in the garage, as there is a cat door leading out to it, but not inot the great wilderness where the two morons could get lost. I scrapped that idea today when I realized the fat lump of cat I own will more than likely not fit his girth through the door. For the images running through my head, please read the hysterical comment posted on my entry "Sumo-kitty". I about pissed my own pants reading it.
Verizon phone services, the bastards we've handed our communication needs to, has assured me they will have my service up and running on December 2nd (and not a day before). Here's hoping they keep to even that time frame, but I doubt it. This is, after all, a phone company we're talking about. So, that means, chil'un, I won't be posting on here for a while. You are certainly welcome to email me and receive my pithy autoresponse, and I'll attempt to find a nearby kinko's to empty my yahoo account whenever possible.
But for now, I must bid you all a fond adieu. Here's hoping to see you all again on Dec. 2nd, when I'll be writing out of my new swanky digs.

Tata!

Sumo-kitty

My cat has a weight problem. now, everyone knows this because, after all, his the fat fuck's official name is CHUNK. But his desperately needing to shed some of the flub has recently come into a glaring light.
In our living room, there's two babygates, one from the hall and one to the kitchen. The kitchen one is higher, and I can't get over it if I am wearing a skirt. The cats usual method of hopping over is to get to leap to the top, teeter for a moment, and then hop down. A few times, under Chunk's weight mid-totter the gate has toppled. We found his expression of terror hysterical as he psuedo-surfed the gate to it's crash landing.
Well, recently, Chunk can't even get his lardass over the gate at all. The first few times it happened he'd attempt the jump to the top, not make it and hang by his front paws with a ridiculous look on his face in a mid-pullup type stance. This was, of course, only made funnier by the slow decent of sliding down the back, as if he wasn't quite admitting defeat. All of this event was announced loudly by a gigantic bang as he hit the back of the gate in the unsuccessful leap, and you could look over and see two orange paws, a pair of upset eyes, and two ears slowly reced back behind the gate where he started.
Well, apparently the embarrassment was too great, and he now refuses to even try jumping. He'll sit behind the gate meowing pathetically until someone goes over and lifts his enormous self over the gate, like a human forklift. I finally put two chairs on either side of the gate so that he could jump to them before trying to clear his ass over the top, and it seems to be working.
With the latest development in the saga of my cat's obesity problem, I'm seriously wondering if I should attempt putting him on one of those diet kibbles. I mean, if he's that friggin' heavy and it's causing loss of coordination, wouldn't it be wrecking havoc on his joints? Is he at risk for a kitty heart attack?
I swear, between the severe retardation of Devon, and Chunk's mammoth belly, I seriously wonder what the hell is wrong with me and pets.

Cardboard Jungle!

Yup, that's pretty much what our apartment looks like. I swear Rick's going to come home to find me mummified in packing tape. Anthony has a new game, mommy puts something in the box, then he tips it over. I've begun limiting packing time to his nap schedule.
Sitting in this apartment over the last two weeks, I've discovered all the lovely things of compact living that I will never miss.
The construction crazy nutball who lives downstairs has taken to hammering away until the late hours of the night, only to restart at around 8AM. I am so close to taking a crowbar to her skull. She somehow knows to start right around the time I put Monky down for a nap.
My immediate neighbors (the party happy morons I complained about a while ago), leave their grungy mut of a dog outside in their tiny shithole of a yard, causing it to bark and whine endlessly. Not only is it fucking cold out, but their yard resembles a toxic waste dumping site (smells like one, too), so that poor thing is just basically being abused. Unfortunately, Animal control doesn't quite agree with that assessment, so I get to hear Fido crying out for mercy at 2AM.
The fat hipo of a bitch who lives diagonally above me has formed a grudge against her downstairs neighbor (who is a friend to me). She delights in spreading bread crumbs and crackers along the ground in front of Sandy's car, and claims she's feeding the birds. What she's really doing is setting a lovely minefeild for poor Sandy to walk through at night, and feeding the new racoon population in our area. I had one of the little critters jump out of our dumpster the other night at me, hissing like crazy and scaring urine into my pants. I've been tempted to leave a crumb trail right up to the hefer's door, all the way up her stairs, just to see how she likes it. Maybe the racoons will follow the trail, bite her ankles, and give her rabies. That would make me chuckle.
The dipshit who lives above me is quite a clutz, and is constantly dropping shit on the floor and slamming his doors around. I wonder what would happen if I hammered a few nails into my ceiling?
Getting ready for our new home has not been without trials, though. It took me five damn phone calls to figure out who I needed to set up a trash pickup account with. And our new phone company, the bastards over at Verizon, have let me know they will be taking for fucking ever to get my internet access hooked up. Nice that they warned me in advance. Helps me to prepare my vocal cords for the untold amount of screaming into a cell phone I may have to do. We're moving on the 22nd, and although I set the phones to start on the 15th, they won't have my access set for the very end of November (if I'm lucky). So if ya'll don't hear random updates from me between moving and December, you now know why.
Well, I have to go back to packing. it's scary when you realize you have more boxes labeled "Toy Collection" than virtually anything else in the house. Heeheee...

The Right is so Wrong

Well, politophiles like myself have been steadily watching the numbers fly across CNN tickers and websites, desperately trying to figure out why the Dems are such a friggin minority, despite our staunch belief that we are always right. The whole morality vote thing frankly had me scared. I mean, for 2 fucking centuries we've believed in seperation of church and state, how is it that suddenly the votes are asking to return religious righteousness to office? Marketing, my dear friends, marketing. The GOP asses are unfortunately really REALLY good at it, while apparently us "reasonable' folk suck at it. Church going folk, which are used to doing everything in 'follow the flock' fashion, obediently went to the polls as ordered on high, while us liberal namby pansies sorta 'forgot'. Despite the fact that 62% of Americans (numbers quoted from AP Reuters Polls) are NOT in the same mindset as our religious zealot brethren in the South, only 14% of us turned out! The majority of the non-voting populous was, of course, young people, despite all the ridiculous attempts to 'rock the vote'. Apparently MTV doesn't have much sway these days. So, Generation X, you apparently still feel apathetic to voting? Well, enjoy the fruits of your lack of labor, four more years, and a lot of potentially fucked up future situations due to Senor Dickweed's being able to reshape our Supreme Court in his Puritanical ideology. Abortion? See ya! Gay Marriage? Out the Window. Free Speech? Give him a few more years and a couple of Patriot Act rewrites, and we won't have to worry about that pesky civil liberty anymore either. *sigh*
The GOP and generic Religious Right has unfortunately taken our lack of voting as a sign that we in fact, don't exist. So apparently 'America calls for a return to core Values', and I'm sure the KKK is pretty happy about that, not to mention Jesse Helms is probably doing a jig of joy. So we (or since I friggin voted, should say YOU) who are not following the GOP mentality have chosen to silence yourselves, guess what? You've officially given up your own opinions voice. SO when you realize what happens and say "Hey, that's not fair! I didn't vote for him!"...no, you didn't...but by not speaking up before, you essentially DID.
So what now? With the entire government (Senate, House, President, and soont o be Supreme Court) being controled by the Right, expect big changes. But Democracy is what we live in, and now more than ever we need to excercise our minor freedoms. Write to your Senators and Reps, and I apologize if that now means you have to fucking pay attention instead of watching OC re-runs. I for one, will be watching new bills and measures coming up for grabs, and happily getting carpel tunel syndrome if that's what it takes. Thank God we still have Patty Murray in office up here, that chick rocks.
Will my blog get more politically minded than my past rantings? You betcha. Yes, you'll still get to read about me dessimating soccer moms left and right, that will never cease (until I have destroyed them all, mwahahahaa). But if I notice a bill of importance, you bet your patriotic buttons you'll hear me write about it, and definitely give ya'll a heads up on who to contact.
To all my Demmy friends, go buy "America the Book" by John Stewart. It's friggin hillarious. I'm off to finish packing my boxes.

Country full of Idiots

That's what we are. We're a country of people with their heads in the sand, babbling fucking morons. That's the only way I can fathom that Bush was able to pull off a win. It was a tight race, but not obviously enough. So what happened? Did real people not vote? Obviously not, if we have Captain Insanity as our Nation's leader for another goddamn four years. The news says that now the naiton can come together and heal after the elections, and that Bush will need to reunite our country from the strong divisions that the elections had brought. MY ASS. There won't be healing, and certainly not from him. He doesn't give a flying FUCK about the people who don't like him (48% of the populous). Us dems are going to find ourselves more alienated, and pushed to the point of a civil war being a good idea. We won't reunite and heal, we'll divide even more, and those who (gasp!) didn't vote Bush are now REALLY going to be the unpatriots, so I guess us and the large portion of the Northeastern states are all going to be outlaws. Say goodbye to freedom folks, your fearless leader hasn't quite seen eye to eye with that concept for quite some time.
The people who voted said that our safety was an important issue. Funny, the people who felt this most strongly (the ones who voted for Bush) live in the fucking midwest. Yeah, guys, Al Quaeda has had it's eye on Arkansas for a long time...get ovre your white trash rednecked completely stupid selves. The people who need the security and safety (coastal states like ourselves and oh...NEW YORK) voted for Kerry. Because we fucking know better.
What scares me is that now that he hsa his grasp on Washington for four more years, what he'll now inflict upon us. You can bet your ass there'll be more attacks, Bush is the best thing for terrorist group recruiting since Israel's declaration of nationality. Since he's already said he doesn't want to deal with North Korea, god only knows what they'll do with their nuclear programs, and I am not even going to talk about Iraq.]
Say goodbye to abortions, Bush has had his eye on dismantling Roe Vs. Wade since his first term. Say goodbye to the thought of civil unions and gay marriages. Social Security? Ha, I won't get to retire now, thanks to his ideals on privatizing the program. Health care? You've got to be joking.
I didn't vote for him, I fucking hate him, and yet I as a lower middle class, woman with a child living in a port city who would like to return to work will feel some of the hardest ramifications of his re-election. Thanks America, you are a bunch of goddamn idiots. I fucking hate this country.

The Trick was the Parents

I took Anthony out on Saturday to the little trick-or-treating thing they were doing in Ballard. When Nico had told me about it, I figured it'd be a nice casual stroll through a few shops, randomly asking polite shopkeepers for candy and having a nice relaxed time of it. Isn't my fantasy world nice? Too bad it was all in my head.
The reality was a nightmare clogging of bratty kids and annoying parents, with no place to turn around and assholes at every turn. By the time we were done, I felt like I had just run the Gladiator's gauntlet. Ugh, dealing with the tykes wouldn't have been so bad, though, had they all been orhpans. I got to see the reality of why people get irritated by parents so easily. Damn, those people suck!
The first annoyance was the ShutterBug parents. Those twits who obviously have an investment in the Kodak company, and have to take 5,000 pictures of little Johnny and his pillowcase walking out of a doorway (and heaven forbid the other 7 dozen children trying to get in the doorway be anywhere near that photo). Get a grip, people, you can take some great pictures of your kid at HOME in his costume, like the rest of us parents do. Or better yet, take pictures when you drag Johnny out tomorrow, when he really is trick or treating in your local neighborhood.
The second irritation was the Socializing Hens. Apparently the four days a week they blather at daycare or the playgroup isn't enough, they had to clog the walkways in their little gaggles. They're like the popular kid cliques from highschool, taking up space and making sure everyone sees it. Huge swarms of parents in clusters, leaving no room for the actual trick or treaters to walk by, and their own kids running sugar high circles into the ground around them. I've got an SUV sized stroller, and I swear ramming people's ankles at whim never seemed so appealing than that moment. What's worse is when they stare at you like you should have the audacity to want to get through them. And if you are going to dress up while out with your kids, then dress up. Don't do the half-assed, throw on a stupid Witch hat and think you are sexy bullshit.
My third and final parental irritation was just ridiculous, though. See, I figured with Anthony only being 17 months old, he'd be one of the youngest there. All he can really eat are the lollipops. But boy was I shocked to see people out with infants. And I'm talking like younger than 3 months old infants. For some reason all of them were in cow costumes (I'm assuming it was a Woman's Day conspiracy that led to the bovine obsession). Oh the irony that almost every mother of an infant out there was still hanging on to the ol' baby weight. I saw one raise an eyebrow at me, as I sat there thinking "your fat ass does not need that funsized snickers bar, because it sure ain't your baby that'll be eating them". My mommy body is a size six because I DON'T leap at the opportunity to stuff my face with sugar at any ridiculous chance. Do your stretched out denim a favour, bitch, skip the trick or treating until you can safely keep your pudgy paws out of the candy bucket. And back when Anthony was too young for his new found Dum Dum obsession, I didn't feel the need to traipse him around in a stupid cow getup in front of strangers.
And I made DAMN sure that when I did take my toddler out, I was taking out a kid who was in the early stages of politeness training. Anthony didn't try to grab the entire candy bowl and run, thus prompting a major meltdown (someone else's kid did, though!). Anthony was actually trying to share his candy. Anytime someone put a goody in his bucket, he'd reach in and try to give them a different one. Yes, it was insanly cute, and yes, I love bragging on him.
Ugh. Were there brats aplenty? Of course, no child-filled holiday would be complete without these reasons for abortion running around like maniacs. But if their parents are so hellishly annoying, you can't blame the kids. Yes, it's rude when an eight year old literally pushes your best friend's uber polite five year old out of the way to get to the candy bucket like it's going to be empty. But it's skincrawlingly irritating when it's the eight year old's dad who ploughed through everyone else just to get him that far. I hope his ankles are still tender.