Okay, I know I was going to continue our lesson on bitching, but I am delaying that for a much more important post. Sorry if you were taking notes, feel free to put down your pencils for a sec so you can listen to me ponder this new and vastly interesting subject.
Classroom Bibles
This whole tale ain't a new one, but this article presents a point that wasn't brought up before, or at least not as clearly and concisely as this one did. Now, if you feel like being lazy and not clicking the article above, phe, take a moment and read the whole thing and let it mull around in your head.
Surprisingly...I think it's a good idea. I whole heartedly agree, I feel that most students of a high school age should read up on biblical writings. I would actually go further than just the bible, but from what the article implies, they are doing so. Aside from the fact that the American society is built strongly upon the tenants of this one religion, and much of the modern law is built upon it (or in some cases, trying to be built upon it), the article is right...it is an important piece of historical literature. Without the Bible, we wouldn't have much of Shakespeare's writings, we wouldn't have Dante's Inferno (for you little emo bastards), and we wouldn't have most of the modern philosophers ramblings on the inherent nature of God. Our greatest thinking and creative minds have at one time or another been influenced by the writings in the scripture. How can one truely understand the works of, say Da Vinci or Michealangelo without reading what they were painting referrences of?
I have always found it unfortunate that most of the classes I encountered in regards to biblical study were often too preachy and secular, and left a critical eye on the sidelines in favour of simply turning it into Sunday School. Leave the moral message behind, if possible, just teach the historical significance of the book please. But I understand that this is hard, as well, it's a book that most people feel strongly about. But if we can teach other literature text from an objective viewpoint, why not this?
I look forward to seeing if this actual textbook gets approved, and of course any fallout afterwards. Who will we hear from first, I wonder. That dipshit in California who can't seem to get past the word GOD in an age old pledge that most children don't understand? Or will the religious groups be upset that we aren't teaching the moral compass held inside the pages of the Bible? We'll see, I have a feeling this may stir up a wildly entertaining and contentious fight.
SInce this is going to be for High School age classes, I am not too worried about the whole 'religion interfering with education', even though honestly, I normally would be. The fact that religious groups are currently involved in the sexual education of our high schoolers is BEYOND repulsive to me, especially in light of the fact that they are sidestepping fact and reason in favour of outdated and misguided moral upholdings. But...this is different. This is literature, and studying it at it's most critical point is key to really understanding the rest of the world. Remember, kiddies, Mama started as an English major, so I suppose this whole thing has a particular significance to me.
But I'd also, of course, so selfishly, like to think that if we start teaching these young and critically thinking minds the actual texts of the bible in their purest, unbiased, uninterpreted form, we may have less morons running around the world misquoting it and twisting it's actual wordings for personal/political gain.
This is a chance I feel for us as Americans to rise above our caveman like grunting and ranting about religion and christianity. Taking such an influential text OUT of it's reverred and dubiously shrouded pretext and simply understanding it for what it IS may allow our next generation to grow up more insightful then the last few we've spat out.
So, for those of you have have joined Mama in her cries of keeping religion out of the schools, let's not forget to keep understand society IN there.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Friday, September 23, 2005
Bitchatude 101b
Yea yea, this is overdue, bite me. Remember, I'm a bitch, I do what I want!!!
In our first class we discussed the basic principals of being an effective bitch. But it seems I may have left you readers with a feeling that there may not be recourse you can take in certain situations. Oh, but this is not true. The most effective tool a Bitch has in her arsenal is Sneaky Bitching. As promised, here are the tried and tested best practices I have come up with on the road to being a Vengeful Bitch on a warpath. Peruse, learn, then dissimate your enemies.
The Rules of Vendetta:
Workplace Wrath - Since you have carefully followed lesson 3, you are entitled to know how to get back at those who irk you in the workplace. Most obviously, if it is a co-worker, take note of their wrongdoing and head them off at the pass (ie, the boss). But don't present your ires as you are being an evil tattle tale, present them as genuine concerns for the benefit of the company (which they should be, never bring up inconsequential issues to a boss). Make sure of course that your own workplace behavior far surpasses your quarry, as this will only further make the victim even more vulnerable and humiliated.
If a customer, make sure you do EVERTHING completely flawless so they have no reason to bring up complaint. If possible, shower the person with impossible kindness in front of your peers and ideally your boss so that they have no choice but to come across as a complete psychopath for pestering you. If possible though, find every possible upcharge you can slap onto them in the book. Service charge for replacing a battery that is often ignored? This is now your You are an Asshole Surcharge. If their action of raising your ire is less obvious, and is, say eyeing you as a female employee like you are a hamhock on a plate, use it to your advantage and make them buy everything in the store they lay there eyes on under the impression that you find these purchases ultra sexy. Now you are a bitch with a comission.
If it's your boss, however, there aren't many ramifications but one...be a DAMN good employee. One that customers adore and flock to. Then get a new job and watch the former lose business because they don't have you. Best revenge EVER. Also, if there are questionable legalities, research them and nail them with it. Boss skirting labor issues? After you leave, sic your local labor law entity upon them. Bahahahahaha....
Pissants in public - The world is full of morons, and you will come across more than a fair share in your lifetime that will raise your hackles. Whether it's a nutjob in teh supermarket or in front of you at the ATM, assholes abound. Always follow the Kindness rule whenever possible, because it immediately makes the walking terror out into a psycho. Meeting aggression with a calm demeanor can not only often diffuse a freako from further acting out, but makes everyone aware of how ridiculous this person's behavior is. Now when the person leaves you can feel free to let out the breath you've been holding and utter a nice remark along the lines of "medication is a great thing, if you take it...". If you are simply unable to hold your tongue that long, try a more subtle comeback to the person's aggro attitude, pointing OUT their indescretion, and that will usually send them scurrying off to pester someone else...
"Decaf, seriously, look into it"
"Look, I don't know who peed in your cocoa puffs today, but you don't need to be so hellish to strangers"
"I'm sorry, but you must have confused me with someone who gives a damn what your opinion is"
one of these, or a variation along a similar vein of your choosing, can instantly pop a fuse in the nutcase's head and cause them to take their insolence elsewhere. Otherwise they'll go aggro in which case you duck and call an authoritative figure over. And you come across smelling like roses, while the freakazoid gets their keister handed to them.
Friends turned Foes - I've had far too many of these than I care to admit. Friends are people who simply haven't pissed you off yet, and all too often eventually DO. Some you can forgive minor indescretions (hey, we're all human), but for those who truly cross the line and entire sworn enemy territory, there are a few strategies to handle them.
Considering their foul was probably quite noteworthy if you have torn out and burned the page in your address book with their name on it, you should feel confident in never EVER wanting to share breathing space with this human again. But you probably share mutual acquaintances with this vile individual, which could make your social structure a bit difficult to manage. How does one tackle this?
First off, bite your TONGUE for a while and do not shittalk the individual, beyond truthful fact. Was this person a flake worse than a Californian Hippy with a pot addiction? Feel free to shrug and admit this person's unreliability doesn't have a place in your oh so important life. This will make ALL others around you start to question any meaningful matters that they've ever placed in the victim's hands. Were they just a raging gossip? Refer to the Kill them with Kindness rule in our previous lesson and take the high road...but do it obviously. "Oh, well, I I think it's pretty lame to spread bad things about others, so I will be holding my tongue on this one". Better yet, "Sorry, I'd like to think I am more adult than stooping to the level of discussing other's private affairs like a school yard rumour mill". This will not only garner respect for you, but cause others to look down upon the tongue wagging idiot of your choosing. If the moron has been gossiping about you in matters which you assumed were private, try and nip the gossip in the bud, and explain to those who've come scampering back to you with this newfound information that you were hoping to keep such matters private, and whoever was spreading your personal laundry is insanely tacky and uncouth for doing so. You don't even have to name names, the finger has already been pointed.
Did the person go beyond this and start spreading lies? This is the one I've most often encountered. First and foremost, do immediate damage control. Face the lie head on and set the facts straight. Do NOT immediately point a finger at the lying sack of shit that started it, simply claim complete ignorance in how this rumour was started. This technique makes your truth setting seem much more plausible, as you are not trying to devalue one person, you are honestly trying to get the truth known. This simple act is twofold, it 1) makes the lie go away, and 2) makes the fool who dared spread falsehoods about you known as the devious prick they are to ALL who heard and were corrected. Problem solved, now no one will trust a single word out of this person's mouth. The final stage to resolving this matter is following the next tip.
BackStabbing shittalkers caught in the act.
A person can air my dirty laundry, a person can say things that are untrue about me. Both of these things cause a proverbial hathet to come slamming down and severe the tie of any kinship I held to this person. But when a person starts badmouthing me behind my back to other friends, a whole new warpath I will lay down at their feet, for this very act means they were never my friend in the first place, and thus declaring themself my nemesis. This is the act which will get me in your face faster than Suncoast having an NBC figure sale. If you have already done damage control about gossip or lie spreading, this is also the final step you should take with said miscreant. That there are no other steps preceeding backstabbing means that this is a be all end all foul in any friendship. CONFRONTATION time.
Make sure there are a multitude of other people around that have been witness to their warranting crime. Yes, you have elevated to bitching in public. If this is a final step for you, this will make it all the more meaningful because you refrained earlier. Now, hold your tongue for a sec...do not accuse...interrogate. "did you say this about me?" at this point, the person is either going to A) lie their ass off, further making themselves look like an ass because they've been caught and now will be caught further in a lie when you present proof, or B) get cocky and admit it. Now, either way, remain calm still. Take a deep breath, you want to be heard. Put on an air of mild surprise, this is often quite effective. "Wow, I am shocked. I thought we were friends, and god knows friends don't do shit like this. Seriously, I am dissapointed in you." Yup, talk to them like a misbehaving child. Your victim now feels guilt and a little humiliation at their own triffling actions. Now, if their chastised look ain't enough (not to mention the looks of disgust radiating off of fellow persons in the room at seeing someone caught in a heinous act), you can NOW launch into a tirade. But do it well. Don't threaten violence, you are above that. Use big words, and insult creatively, as you will now be amusing all who watch and further humiliating the ne'erdowell. The best note to end on, I've found is one simple phrase..."You disgust me". Trust me, almost NOONE recovers from hearing that out of anyone's mouth.
Now, if you may have noticed, I am quite a Zenlike bitch. Do unto others and such. And that's basically me in all aspects of life, I am pretty relaxed. When annoyed, I will attempt to take the higher road as much as I can, because I am a definite believer in the circle of karma. Now, does that mean I haven't ever sunk so low as to, oooooh, say, carefully place a bag of frozen shrimp under someone's porch in the middle of summer? of course not (by the way, this is endlessly amusing, they won't figure out where the stench is coming from for daaaaaaaaaays.). When I was living in an apartment, and someone was stealing my laundry soap downstairs, I replaced the contents of the bottle with concentrated bleach. I casually called the tow truck on a bitchass of a neighbor upon realizing she was illegally parked...at 11pm, when I knew she'd have to run out in her PJs to stop him. And signed an ex up for an erectile dyfunction newsletter.
Rules to follow if taking a more direct approach to vengeance:
Don't do permanent damage. Seriously, you can make someone suffer for a little while, but when you start taking money out of their pocket, that's not cool. Serve up justice, not a bit of injustice on your own part.
Don't begin a rumour mill of your own. Remeber how I said this was tacky? It always is, no matter what the reason.
Don't do anything illegal. Seriously. No asshole is worth it. Questioning the legality of your actions? Look it up in a law index online before you go. Signing someone up for a bunch of offers via mail IS illegal, it's a felony actually, because it's considered mail fraud.
Don't mess with family members or marriages. Just don't do that. It's not cool, and always outweighs whatever that person did to piss you off. I don't care how miserably the person dumped you, if they got married again, DON'T GO THERE.
Alright kiddies, ramp up your bitchatude, don't forget to tap into your inner peace, and rawk on!
In our first class we discussed the basic principals of being an effective bitch. But it seems I may have left you readers with a feeling that there may not be recourse you can take in certain situations. Oh, but this is not true. The most effective tool a Bitch has in her arsenal is Sneaky Bitching. As promised, here are the tried and tested best practices I have come up with on the road to being a Vengeful Bitch on a warpath. Peruse, learn, then dissimate your enemies.
The Rules of Vendetta:
Workplace Wrath - Since you have carefully followed lesson 3, you are entitled to know how to get back at those who irk you in the workplace. Most obviously, if it is a co-worker, take note of their wrongdoing and head them off at the pass (ie, the boss). But don't present your ires as you are being an evil tattle tale, present them as genuine concerns for the benefit of the company (which they should be, never bring up inconsequential issues to a boss). Make sure of course that your own workplace behavior far surpasses your quarry, as this will only further make the victim even more vulnerable and humiliated.
If a customer, make sure you do EVERTHING completely flawless so they have no reason to bring up complaint. If possible, shower the person with impossible kindness in front of your peers and ideally your boss so that they have no choice but to come across as a complete psychopath for pestering you. If possible though, find every possible upcharge you can slap onto them in the book. Service charge for replacing a battery that is often ignored? This is now your You are an Asshole Surcharge. If their action of raising your ire is less obvious, and is, say eyeing you as a female employee like you are a hamhock on a plate, use it to your advantage and make them buy everything in the store they lay there eyes on under the impression that you find these purchases ultra sexy. Now you are a bitch with a comission.
If it's your boss, however, there aren't many ramifications but one...be a DAMN good employee. One that customers adore and flock to. Then get a new job and watch the former lose business because they don't have you. Best revenge EVER. Also, if there are questionable legalities, research them and nail them with it. Boss skirting labor issues? After you leave, sic your local labor law entity upon them. Bahahahahaha....
Pissants in public - The world is full of morons, and you will come across more than a fair share in your lifetime that will raise your hackles. Whether it's a nutjob in teh supermarket or in front of you at the ATM, assholes abound. Always follow the Kindness rule whenever possible, because it immediately makes the walking terror out into a psycho. Meeting aggression with a calm demeanor can not only often diffuse a freako from further acting out, but makes everyone aware of how ridiculous this person's behavior is. Now when the person leaves you can feel free to let out the breath you've been holding and utter a nice remark along the lines of "medication is a great thing, if you take it...". If you are simply unable to hold your tongue that long, try a more subtle comeback to the person's aggro attitude, pointing OUT their indescretion, and that will usually send them scurrying off to pester someone else...
"Decaf, seriously, look into it"
"Look, I don't know who peed in your cocoa puffs today, but you don't need to be so hellish to strangers"
"I'm sorry, but you must have confused me with someone who gives a damn what your opinion is"
one of these, or a variation along a similar vein of your choosing, can instantly pop a fuse in the nutcase's head and cause them to take their insolence elsewhere. Otherwise they'll go aggro in which case you duck and call an authoritative figure over. And you come across smelling like roses, while the freakazoid gets their keister handed to them.
Friends turned Foes - I've had far too many of these than I care to admit. Friends are people who simply haven't pissed you off yet, and all too often eventually DO. Some you can forgive minor indescretions (hey, we're all human), but for those who truly cross the line and entire sworn enemy territory, there are a few strategies to handle them.
Considering their foul was probably quite noteworthy if you have torn out and burned the page in your address book with their name on it, you should feel confident in never EVER wanting to share breathing space with this human again. But you probably share mutual acquaintances with this vile individual, which could make your social structure a bit difficult to manage. How does one tackle this?
First off, bite your TONGUE for a while and do not shittalk the individual, beyond truthful fact. Was this person a flake worse than a Californian Hippy with a pot addiction? Feel free to shrug and admit this person's unreliability doesn't have a place in your oh so important life. This will make ALL others around you start to question any meaningful matters that they've ever placed in the victim's hands. Were they just a raging gossip? Refer to the Kill them with Kindness rule in our previous lesson and take the high road...but do it obviously. "Oh, well, I I think it's pretty lame to spread bad things about others, so I will be holding my tongue on this one". Better yet, "Sorry, I'd like to think I am more adult than stooping to the level of discussing other's private affairs like a school yard rumour mill". This will not only garner respect for you, but cause others to look down upon the tongue wagging idiot of your choosing. If the moron has been gossiping about you in matters which you assumed were private, try and nip the gossip in the bud, and explain to those who've come scampering back to you with this newfound information that you were hoping to keep such matters private, and whoever was spreading your personal laundry is insanely tacky and uncouth for doing so. You don't even have to name names, the finger has already been pointed.
Did the person go beyond this and start spreading lies? This is the one I've most often encountered. First and foremost, do immediate damage control. Face the lie head on and set the facts straight. Do NOT immediately point a finger at the lying sack of shit that started it, simply claim complete ignorance in how this rumour was started. This technique makes your truth setting seem much more plausible, as you are not trying to devalue one person, you are honestly trying to get the truth known. This simple act is twofold, it 1) makes the lie go away, and 2) makes the fool who dared spread falsehoods about you known as the devious prick they are to ALL who heard and were corrected. Problem solved, now no one will trust a single word out of this person's mouth. The final stage to resolving this matter is following the next tip.
BackStabbing shittalkers caught in the act.
A person can air my dirty laundry, a person can say things that are untrue about me. Both of these things cause a proverbial hathet to come slamming down and severe the tie of any kinship I held to this person. But when a person starts badmouthing me behind my back to other friends, a whole new warpath I will lay down at their feet, for this very act means they were never my friend in the first place, and thus declaring themself my nemesis. This is the act which will get me in your face faster than Suncoast having an NBC figure sale. If you have already done damage control about gossip or lie spreading, this is also the final step you should take with said miscreant. That there are no other steps preceeding backstabbing means that this is a be all end all foul in any friendship. CONFRONTATION time.
Make sure there are a multitude of other people around that have been witness to their warranting crime. Yes, you have elevated to bitching in public. If this is a final step for you, this will make it all the more meaningful because you refrained earlier. Now, hold your tongue for a sec...do not accuse...interrogate. "did you say this about me?" at this point, the person is either going to A) lie their ass off, further making themselves look like an ass because they've been caught and now will be caught further in a lie when you present proof, or B) get cocky and admit it. Now, either way, remain calm still. Take a deep breath, you want to be heard. Put on an air of mild surprise, this is often quite effective. "Wow, I am shocked. I thought we were friends, and god knows friends don't do shit like this. Seriously, I am dissapointed in you." Yup, talk to them like a misbehaving child. Your victim now feels guilt and a little humiliation at their own triffling actions. Now, if their chastised look ain't enough (not to mention the looks of disgust radiating off of fellow persons in the room at seeing someone caught in a heinous act), you can NOW launch into a tirade. But do it well. Don't threaten violence, you are above that. Use big words, and insult creatively, as you will now be amusing all who watch and further humiliating the ne'erdowell. The best note to end on, I've found is one simple phrase..."You disgust me". Trust me, almost NOONE recovers from hearing that out of anyone's mouth.
Now, if you may have noticed, I am quite a Zenlike bitch. Do unto others and such. And that's basically me in all aspects of life, I am pretty relaxed. When annoyed, I will attempt to take the higher road as much as I can, because I am a definite believer in the circle of karma. Now, does that mean I haven't ever sunk so low as to, oooooh, say, carefully place a bag of frozen shrimp under someone's porch in the middle of summer? of course not (by the way, this is endlessly amusing, they won't figure out where the stench is coming from for daaaaaaaaaays.). When I was living in an apartment, and someone was stealing my laundry soap downstairs, I replaced the contents of the bottle with concentrated bleach. I casually called the tow truck on a bitchass of a neighbor upon realizing she was illegally parked...at 11pm, when I knew she'd have to run out in her PJs to stop him. And signed an ex up for an erectile dyfunction newsletter.
Rules to follow if taking a more direct approach to vengeance:
Don't do permanent damage. Seriously, you can make someone suffer for a little while, but when you start taking money out of their pocket, that's not cool. Serve up justice, not a bit of injustice on your own part.
Don't begin a rumour mill of your own. Remeber how I said this was tacky? It always is, no matter what the reason.
Don't do anything illegal. Seriously. No asshole is worth it. Questioning the legality of your actions? Look it up in a law index online before you go. Signing someone up for a bunch of offers via mail IS illegal, it's a felony actually, because it's considered mail fraud.
Don't mess with family members or marriages. Just don't do that. It's not cool, and always outweighs whatever that person did to piss you off. I don't care how miserably the person dumped you, if they got married again, DON'T GO THERE.
Alright kiddies, ramp up your bitchatude, don't forget to tap into your inner peace, and rawk on!
Bitchatude 101
There's no doubt you've put together reading this that I can be a raging bitch at times. I have a notoriously hot temper, I'm stubborn, and unafraid to speak my mind. But ya know what? There is actually a certain grace and skill to being an effective bitch that many women (or men) simply have not mastered. If you don't take extra care in your bitchiness, you get labeled as a 'nasty bitch', 'annoying bitch', or the worst and most aggravating of all...'dumb bitch'. Since I have come across more than my fair share of these lesser bitches, I figured I would compile a nice little how to on being an effective bitch. So take out your number 2 pencil, kiddies, it's time to sit and learn.
Lesson 1: Bitching with purpose.
Being a bitch for absolutely no reason is silly and rude, and can often times only get you into more trouble than it's ever worth. If you want to be a raging bitch at all times, be my guest, you'll probably end up getting yourself into far more unnecessary tangles in life than I would ever recommend. If you really feel that being a bitch at a particular moment is warranted, well, then, you're now bitching with MEANING. Unleashing your bitchatude at only key moments in life will make you a highly effective bitch, because it will keep idiots off guard, and let them know that you mean business. Pick your battles. If you don't, you will be known as a Chronic bitch and no one will pay attention when an issue is truly bitchworthy.
Lesson2: Bitch with a brain.
Nobody hates anything worse than a dumb bitch. If you feel that ire rising and your bitchiness coming forth, you better know what the hell you are mad about (and subsequently about to bitch about). Bitching about politics? You better damn well know both sides of the fence and what you are arguing. Bitching about a policy somewhere? Know why it's there and why it's a bitchworthy policy. Bitching about someone doing something that irritated you? Know why they did it and the infinite better ways they could have done it. Educated bitching is effective in that it can't be ignored. When you are right, and they are wrong, and you can prove it, your bitch level raises to a whole new spectrum.
Lesson 3: There's a time and a place to be a bitch.
And guess what, 9 times out of 10...it AIN'T in the workplace. If you work in a place where you wear a nametag, do NOT have that nametag on when you are bitching. It's like saying "Hi, here's my name and a means to contact a manager who can make my life truly hell all because I got in your face", and will backfire on you EVERY time. Even if you were following lessons 1 & 2, if you don't bother with this particular piece of self restraint you might as well go back to being a chronic dumb bitch. Also, try not to be a bitch in front of your kids. Having a wee one there observing potentially awful behavior on your part will only make the receiver of your bitching feel sympathy for them, and disgust for you. However, there are ways of getting around this, which brings us to...
Lesson 4: Stealth Bitching
Being an effective bitch is really seen when practicing the art of being a sneaky bitch. This requires practicing lesson 3, but still getting your bitch on when absolutely necessary. How do you do this? Well, it's easy, but it completely belies the seemingly obvious path. Simply put...kill them with kindness. Why is this considered bitchy? It catches the receiver totally offguard. They may have backed you into a corner, expecting you to unleash holy hell upon them, and instead you throw a curve ball and smile sweetly and wish them a nice day. Your completely serene composure can completely unnerve a person. Now, despite the fact that you can be mentally rattling off every obscenity in the book at this person, a saccharine smile paired with eyes filled with undying hate can make a person completely wet themselves if done with practiced poise. It also allows you to later perform the most insidious of all bitchiness, found in our final lesson...
Lesson 5: Plotting Evil Bitch with a vengeance.
This is the category I fall under, which is why those who know me feel my wrath is something of an unholy creation to be avoided at all times. I bitch only when provoked (lesson 1), I am smart and know what I am bitching about (lesson 2), I pick my battles carefully (lesson 3), and will delay all acts of smite and have a person unnerved before exacting vengeance (lesson 4). The final unleashing of my bitchitude, if truly warranted, is executed in much more devilish ways than simply being a violent bitch. Note to reader: never be a violent bitch unless yours or your offspring's life is in danger. Violence is never a good policy EVER, and will only lead to dire consequences. There are much more damaging ways to be a bitch than throwing a sucker punch. You take time to figure out your prey, and then swoop in for the kill in ways that will truly make them or anyone think twice about getting in your crosshairs ever again. My next post will be all about the art of being a Sneaky Bitch, but in the meantime, study the lessons above.
Lesson 1: Bitching with purpose.
Being a bitch for absolutely no reason is silly and rude, and can often times only get you into more trouble than it's ever worth. If you want to be a raging bitch at all times, be my guest, you'll probably end up getting yourself into far more unnecessary tangles in life than I would ever recommend. If you really feel that being a bitch at a particular moment is warranted, well, then, you're now bitching with MEANING. Unleashing your bitchatude at only key moments in life will make you a highly effective bitch, because it will keep idiots off guard, and let them know that you mean business. Pick your battles. If you don't, you will be known as a Chronic bitch and no one will pay attention when an issue is truly bitchworthy.
Lesson2: Bitch with a brain.
Nobody hates anything worse than a dumb bitch. If you feel that ire rising and your bitchiness coming forth, you better know what the hell you are mad about (and subsequently about to bitch about). Bitching about politics? You better damn well know both sides of the fence and what you are arguing. Bitching about a policy somewhere? Know why it's there and why it's a bitchworthy policy. Bitching about someone doing something that irritated you? Know why they did it and the infinite better ways they could have done it. Educated bitching is effective in that it can't be ignored. When you are right, and they are wrong, and you can prove it, your bitch level raises to a whole new spectrum.
Lesson 3: There's a time and a place to be a bitch.
And guess what, 9 times out of 10...it AIN'T in the workplace. If you work in a place where you wear a nametag, do NOT have that nametag on when you are bitching. It's like saying "Hi, here's my name and a means to contact a manager who can make my life truly hell all because I got in your face", and will backfire on you EVERY time. Even if you were following lessons 1 & 2, if you don't bother with this particular piece of self restraint you might as well go back to being a chronic dumb bitch. Also, try not to be a bitch in front of your kids. Having a wee one there observing potentially awful behavior on your part will only make the receiver of your bitching feel sympathy for them, and disgust for you. However, there are ways of getting around this, which brings us to...
Lesson 4: Stealth Bitching
Being an effective bitch is really seen when practicing the art of being a sneaky bitch. This requires practicing lesson 3, but still getting your bitch on when absolutely necessary. How do you do this? Well, it's easy, but it completely belies the seemingly obvious path. Simply put...kill them with kindness. Why is this considered bitchy? It catches the receiver totally offguard. They may have backed you into a corner, expecting you to unleash holy hell upon them, and instead you throw a curve ball and smile sweetly and wish them a nice day. Your completely serene composure can completely unnerve a person. Now, despite the fact that you can be mentally rattling off every obscenity in the book at this person, a saccharine smile paired with eyes filled with undying hate can make a person completely wet themselves if done with practiced poise. It also allows you to later perform the most insidious of all bitchiness, found in our final lesson...
Lesson 5: Plotting Evil Bitch with a vengeance.
This is the category I fall under, which is why those who know me feel my wrath is something of an unholy creation to be avoided at all times. I bitch only when provoked (lesson 1), I am smart and know what I am bitching about (lesson 2), I pick my battles carefully (lesson 3), and will delay all acts of smite and have a person unnerved before exacting vengeance (lesson 4). The final unleashing of my bitchitude, if truly warranted, is executed in much more devilish ways than simply being a violent bitch. Note to reader: never be a violent bitch unless yours or your offspring's life is in danger. Violence is never a good policy EVER, and will only lead to dire consequences. There are much more damaging ways to be a bitch than throwing a sucker punch. You take time to figure out your prey, and then swoop in for the kill in ways that will truly make them or anyone think twice about getting in your crosshairs ever again. My next post will be all about the art of being a Sneaky Bitch, but in the meantime, study the lessons above.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Happy Dance
I got a job! Everybody dance with me now. I swear the whole job hunt was really starting to bother me. I've been interviewing quite a bit, but nothing was panning out and I was seriously getting frustrated. Nothing really makes you question yourself quite like getting no job offers. Especially when they are entry level service industry jobs.
But yesterday I got hired (on the spot) at my interview with Radio Shack. Yes, folks, mama's added a whole new level to her geekatude. I start tomorrow. And the pay has some good potential with commission and other goodies, which will make up for the few hours a week I can work. So far, first impressions of the boss man and other coworker I met seem pretty cool. They aren't pocketprotector wearing circuit nuts, they seem like normal folk, friendly even. I'm the oldest person there, apparently, but boss man swears it's only by a year. Being older than my boss, thast's an unfamiliar place for me, but one I knew I'd be facing in this new job foray. And the guy knows his stuff, and hired me for all the good reasons, which gives me a lot more confidence going in there.
See, I never felt I interviewed well. I can be a bit perky (yes folks, believe it or not, contrary to my nightmarish blogging persona, I am quite a chipper gal in real life). And well, I know myself. I wouldn't say I am cocky, but I am confident in my own abilities and experience, and in who I am. But I am of the persuasion that I am not going to give the old standard interview of spewing out what someone wants to hear, but I will give you the answers that really are me. I don't want to get hired simply because I am able to smarm my way through an interview, even though I could with my past sales experience. If you are hiring me, you better be hiring me for ME, and not a pretty veneer I can slap on. So anyways, rather than looking at my past lack of relative experience as a hinderance, this kid actuall saw the positives in it. My art background does imply creativity. My past sales experience, regardless of field, is relavant in that I do have the ability to comfortably push product. Sales is something I've always been good at, and I don't think that's something you can really learn you just have to have that in you.
Anyways...I am excited. With just that whole interview I can feel things clicking into place, which is a good thing. With all the chaos and drama that has been my life for the past few months, I can finally really throw myself into something good. And there's nothing better than getting a small glimmer of hope during an otherwise craptastic life. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTness.
But yesterday I got hired (on the spot) at my interview with Radio Shack. Yes, folks, mama's added a whole new level to her geekatude. I start tomorrow. And the pay has some good potential with commission and other goodies, which will make up for the few hours a week I can work. So far, first impressions of the boss man and other coworker I met seem pretty cool. They aren't pocketprotector wearing circuit nuts, they seem like normal folk, friendly even. I'm the oldest person there, apparently, but boss man swears it's only by a year. Being older than my boss, thast's an unfamiliar place for me, but one I knew I'd be facing in this new job foray. And the guy knows his stuff, and hired me for all the good reasons, which gives me a lot more confidence going in there.
See, I never felt I interviewed well. I can be a bit perky (yes folks, believe it or not, contrary to my nightmarish blogging persona, I am quite a chipper gal in real life). And well, I know myself. I wouldn't say I am cocky, but I am confident in my own abilities and experience, and in who I am. But I am of the persuasion that I am not going to give the old standard interview of spewing out what someone wants to hear, but I will give you the answers that really are me. I don't want to get hired simply because I am able to smarm my way through an interview, even though I could with my past sales experience. If you are hiring me, you better be hiring me for ME, and not a pretty veneer I can slap on. So anyways, rather than looking at my past lack of relative experience as a hinderance, this kid actuall saw the positives in it. My art background does imply creativity. My past sales experience, regardless of field, is relavant in that I do have the ability to comfortably push product. Sales is something I've always been good at, and I don't think that's something you can really learn you just have to have that in you.
Anyways...I am excited. With just that whole interview I can feel things clicking into place, which is a good thing. With all the chaos and drama that has been my life for the past few months, I can finally really throw myself into something good. And there's nothing better than getting a small glimmer of hope during an otherwise craptastic life. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTness.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Hot Button Issues
It seems lately that our politicians have really dug their claws into this whole video game contraversy. I thought it would die down in a week or two after the whole Rockstar fiasco, but apparently there's still a few legislators out there who are on a Mission to Save the Children from the evil forces of Video games.
Careful, kids, you may be in for a shock, but Mama is about to veer wildly away from her precious democractic party on this issue. I don't feel that *gasp!* government should be getting involved, especially not at the level it is trying to.
First off, the Video Game Industry is self regulating. Good Ol' Jack Thompson made that happen years ago when Mortal Kombat upset his delicate sensibilities. SInce no form of media ever wants the Big Bad Government to get their fat fingers into their business, the ESRB rating system was created, and has worked nearly without flaw since it's inception. In fact, this whole fiasco with Rockstar has actually proven how effective they are as a governing body, as when the news broke of the undisclosed content, all of those games were pulled from the shelves within 24 hours. Our government doesn't even work that fast *couch Katrina couch*. The new rating was quickly put in place, and voila, problem solved.
So now all of the sudden we are in a huff about a minor's ability to obtain M rated video games. The lawmaker's saw this as a new hot button topic, and began jumping on it like sharks at a feeding frenzy. The smell of potential Parental Advocacy votes in the water was too great a temptation, apparently.
I've been keeping abreast of the developing legislation in this issue, as both a parent and a gamer. As I said before, creating any laws to step in on governing this form of media to me smacks of the Evils of Future Censorship. And, I've noticed that rather than putting control back into parents' hands, these newly drafted bits of legislative fluff are in fact taking responsibility off the shoulders of those who are rightfully supposed to be raising their kids.
Too many of these irresponsible parents are crying to the Powers that Be that their devious offspring are able to get the games without any knowledge on the part of Mom and Pop. A few have uttered to my misgivings that I have no idea what it's like to raise a teenager. They are correct, my son is only two. About the only parental nightmares I have right now are grocery store meltdowns. But I have a teenage brother, and it wasn't all THAT long ago I was in my own awkward adolescence. And, shock of all shocks, my parents KNEW WHAT I BOUGHT! How, you ask, did they perform this mighty feat without psychic powers and mind reading abilities?! Well, this may come as a surprise to some, an unthinkable concept...my parents TALKED TO ME. Since they were the ones who gave me money in the first place, before I got a job, they were able to regulate how I spent it (clothes and makeup, and the occassional Bauhaus CD). I was raised in the heydey of the PMRC, and my parents would listen to the CDs I bought with me. Yes, they probably hated it for a spell when I was in my whiney goth music phase, but they endured it to discover what I was filling my head with. If they were concerned about lyrics, they'd have a lengthy discussion with me on how I felt about the message of the music I was so deeply in love with. Later, when I became a bit more interested in games, I was living under my father's roof. Guess what he did?! He dared read the boxes of the games I wanted to buy! He'd even go as far as reading reviews! Gasp! Shock! Unthinkable!
When my son gets interested in games, and he will, being so exposed to them, I will pay attention, just like my parents did. He wants a game? If I am purchasing it, I'll read reviews (not hard to find, given our new nifty technology of the INTERNET). If he is buying them on his own, I will actually converse with him about which one's he is wanting and thinking about purchasing. You don't have to come across as the gestapo, simply having a convo with your child about their interests is not that friggin difficult. Of course, you have to lay a foundation for free communication by not instantly lecturing or getting all judgemental everytime your kid opens their mouth. Listening is a skill that should be a prerequisite to childrearing.
Going back to the real subject at hand, politicians and their precious hot button issue. Not only is this legislation unecessary in light of a selfgoverning industry, but wasteful. Wasteful of resources spent even creating it, wasteful in getting it voted on, and wasteful of policing resources trying to enforce this nonsense.
We talk about government waste all the time, and this is a prime example. When most states have floundering educational systems, transportation nightmares, and taxation vexations (oh, and a few have a pesky natural disaster to worry about, while others should be helping them), we have these fatcats creating this nonsensical paperwork to tie up resources. Get back to your jobs, people, and stop wasting your time on trying to garner a few extra votes.
So, if you, like me, feel this is a gross misuse of your taxpaying dollars, write to your legislator and tell them to drop this crap and get back to more serious issues. Maybe if they realize we consituents don't give a flying fuck about this minor issue, they'll drop it and go back to writing meaningful drafts.
Careful, kids, you may be in for a shock, but Mama is about to veer wildly away from her precious democractic party on this issue. I don't feel that *gasp!* government should be getting involved, especially not at the level it is trying to.
First off, the Video Game Industry is self regulating. Good Ol' Jack Thompson made that happen years ago when Mortal Kombat upset his delicate sensibilities. SInce no form of media ever wants the Big Bad Government to get their fat fingers into their business, the ESRB rating system was created, and has worked nearly without flaw since it's inception. In fact, this whole fiasco with Rockstar has actually proven how effective they are as a governing body, as when the news broke of the undisclosed content, all of those games were pulled from the shelves within 24 hours. Our government doesn't even work that fast *couch Katrina couch*. The new rating was quickly put in place, and voila, problem solved.
So now all of the sudden we are in a huff about a minor's ability to obtain M rated video games. The lawmaker's saw this as a new hot button topic, and began jumping on it like sharks at a feeding frenzy. The smell of potential Parental Advocacy votes in the water was too great a temptation, apparently.
I've been keeping abreast of the developing legislation in this issue, as both a parent and a gamer. As I said before, creating any laws to step in on governing this form of media to me smacks of the Evils of Future Censorship. And, I've noticed that rather than putting control back into parents' hands, these newly drafted bits of legislative fluff are in fact taking responsibility off the shoulders of those who are rightfully supposed to be raising their kids.
Too many of these irresponsible parents are crying to the Powers that Be that their devious offspring are able to get the games without any knowledge on the part of Mom and Pop. A few have uttered to my misgivings that I have no idea what it's like to raise a teenager. They are correct, my son is only two. About the only parental nightmares I have right now are grocery store meltdowns. But I have a teenage brother, and it wasn't all THAT long ago I was in my own awkward adolescence. And, shock of all shocks, my parents KNEW WHAT I BOUGHT! How, you ask, did they perform this mighty feat without psychic powers and mind reading abilities?! Well, this may come as a surprise to some, an unthinkable concept...my parents TALKED TO ME. Since they were the ones who gave me money in the first place, before I got a job, they were able to regulate how I spent it (clothes and makeup, and the occassional Bauhaus CD). I was raised in the heydey of the PMRC, and my parents would listen to the CDs I bought with me. Yes, they probably hated it for a spell when I was in my whiney goth music phase, but they endured it to discover what I was filling my head with. If they were concerned about lyrics, they'd have a lengthy discussion with me on how I felt about the message of the music I was so deeply in love with. Later, when I became a bit more interested in games, I was living under my father's roof. Guess what he did?! He dared read the boxes of the games I wanted to buy! He'd even go as far as reading reviews! Gasp! Shock! Unthinkable!
When my son gets interested in games, and he will, being so exposed to them, I will pay attention, just like my parents did. He wants a game? If I am purchasing it, I'll read reviews (not hard to find, given our new nifty technology of the INTERNET). If he is buying them on his own, I will actually converse with him about which one's he is wanting and thinking about purchasing. You don't have to come across as the gestapo, simply having a convo with your child about their interests is not that friggin difficult. Of course, you have to lay a foundation for free communication by not instantly lecturing or getting all judgemental everytime your kid opens their mouth. Listening is a skill that should be a prerequisite to childrearing.
Going back to the real subject at hand, politicians and their precious hot button issue. Not only is this legislation unecessary in light of a selfgoverning industry, but wasteful. Wasteful of resources spent even creating it, wasteful in getting it voted on, and wasteful of policing resources trying to enforce this nonsense.
We talk about government waste all the time, and this is a prime example. When most states have floundering educational systems, transportation nightmares, and taxation vexations (oh, and a few have a pesky natural disaster to worry about, while others should be helping them), we have these fatcats creating this nonsensical paperwork to tie up resources. Get back to your jobs, people, and stop wasting your time on trying to garner a few extra votes.
So, if you, like me, feel this is a gross misuse of your taxpaying dollars, write to your legislator and tell them to drop this crap and get back to more serious issues. Maybe if they realize we consituents don't give a flying fuck about this minor issue, they'll drop it and go back to writing meaningful drafts.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Being Dago
Sorry I haven't posted much, although I was wanting to leave that Project Heart post up there for everyone I knew to participate. Oh, and Shawntay bought me a Gamecube for my birthday, so I've been a total Mario Whore for the past few days.
My cousin Chris just left from a nice but all too quick visit for the weekend. Since I've been so estranged from my family for most of the past 10 years, it was truely a treasure to be able to be around him again, even if only for 1 day. His visit of course has inspired lots of internalized ponderings of my bizarro family life. And I'm not talking about Mom's side, complete with the hourly question of "What stupid stunt did my younger brother pull now?", but the gigantoid Italian family I often wax poetically of, yet rarely interract with.
Back when I was growing up in California, family was a huge part of my life, on my father's side. Summers in LA and visits with the relatives were always the some of the warmest of my memories. The delicious meals my Aunt prepared for a busting at the seams household were entrenched in a wealth of cultural history, and my own family roots were practically drilled into my head by eager aunts and uncles desperate to pass on 'our story'. There was never a moment that I wasn't utterly aware that I was ITALIAN, all capitals, be damn proud of it or face the wrath of wine making cousins. My three cousins and I were all practically inseperable when we were in So Cal, the primary staple of our visits down there. We'd chase eachother all over the house and drive our respective parents crazy. There's not a single picture of childhood trips to Disneyland that don't contain all four of us wearing those stupid mouse ears.
But we moved away, family ties were irrepairably severed, and the only reminder of my Dago-hood were my tats, my skin, and penchant for drinking more red wine than should be recommended by physicians. I still don't like olives, although I could bathe in olive oil. I guess I just seperated from my history, beyond of course beating into the heads of those around me that my mercurial temperment is entirely due to my bloodline.
So, my recently overly american/homogenized self was in a bit of a quandry when Mi Cugino announced his intent to visit. The last we saw of eachother was in the unique circumstance of my trip to OC for his brother's funeral. An odd time indeed. Before that, the most recently we had seen eachother was for a quick dinner in San Francisco during our visit there. What should I plan? I stuck to my usual Friend Visit Itinerary, which is plan to eat out, let them decide which landmarks we should go gawk at.
You know what happened? We enjoyed long conversations over coffee and some excellent NW fare, and checked out his pictures of a recent trip to Italy (no, I refrained from screaming Zi HOMELAND!). It was like there wasn't a huge seperation of old, save for him filling me in on his other brother's recently developed social foibles. It was more relaxed and enjoyable feeling than I could have expected, given the ire still apparent between our parents. But most importantly, watching my cousin walk up the driveway with the obligatory bottle of wine we Italians feel we MUST bring to a house we visit reminded me that my roots are still there. And the warm fuzzy feeling I get from remembering my family is still here. Perhaps maybe those memories can continue now. Family shouldn't be something I am scared of, it's there to be warm and loving and perfectly content sitting on a couch and rambling into the night. Families probably have these happy notes in them around the world, in any culture and language. But Italian families have a unique richness to them complete with boisterous uncles, vino flowing like water and the smell of garlic permeating everywhere. And damn, it feels good to be a Dago.
My cousin Chris just left from a nice but all too quick visit for the weekend. Since I've been so estranged from my family for most of the past 10 years, it was truely a treasure to be able to be around him again, even if only for 1 day. His visit of course has inspired lots of internalized ponderings of my bizarro family life. And I'm not talking about Mom's side, complete with the hourly question of "What stupid stunt did my younger brother pull now?", but the gigantoid Italian family I often wax poetically of, yet rarely interract with.
Back when I was growing up in California, family was a huge part of my life, on my father's side. Summers in LA and visits with the relatives were always the some of the warmest of my memories. The delicious meals my Aunt prepared for a busting at the seams household were entrenched in a wealth of cultural history, and my own family roots were practically drilled into my head by eager aunts and uncles desperate to pass on 'our story'. There was never a moment that I wasn't utterly aware that I was ITALIAN, all capitals, be damn proud of it or face the wrath of wine making cousins. My three cousins and I were all practically inseperable when we were in So Cal, the primary staple of our visits down there. We'd chase eachother all over the house and drive our respective parents crazy. There's not a single picture of childhood trips to Disneyland that don't contain all four of us wearing those stupid mouse ears.
But we moved away, family ties were irrepairably severed, and the only reminder of my Dago-hood were my tats, my skin, and penchant for drinking more red wine than should be recommended by physicians. I still don't like olives, although I could bathe in olive oil. I guess I just seperated from my history, beyond of course beating into the heads of those around me that my mercurial temperment is entirely due to my bloodline.
So, my recently overly american/homogenized self was in a bit of a quandry when Mi Cugino announced his intent to visit. The last we saw of eachother was in the unique circumstance of my trip to OC for his brother's funeral. An odd time indeed. Before that, the most recently we had seen eachother was for a quick dinner in San Francisco during our visit there. What should I plan? I stuck to my usual Friend Visit Itinerary, which is plan to eat out, let them decide which landmarks we should go gawk at.
You know what happened? We enjoyed long conversations over coffee and some excellent NW fare, and checked out his pictures of a recent trip to Italy (no, I refrained from screaming Zi HOMELAND!). It was like there wasn't a huge seperation of old, save for him filling me in on his other brother's recently developed social foibles. It was more relaxed and enjoyable feeling than I could have expected, given the ire still apparent between our parents. But most importantly, watching my cousin walk up the driveway with the obligatory bottle of wine we Italians feel we MUST bring to a house we visit reminded me that my roots are still there. And the warm fuzzy feeling I get from remembering my family is still here. Perhaps maybe those memories can continue now. Family shouldn't be something I am scared of, it's there to be warm and loving and perfectly content sitting on a couch and rambling into the night. Families probably have these happy notes in them around the world, in any culture and language. But Italian families have a unique richness to them complete with boisterous uncles, vino flowing like water and the smell of garlic permeating everywhere. And damn, it feels good to be a Dago.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Project Heart
Pass it along, get involved, guys!
Charity isn't always about dropping a buck in a coffee can
and right now it's about picking up a pen and lending your talent.
Spread the word and send your submissions by September 16, 2005 to:
Project HeART
c/o Brandon
1885 California Ave.
Corona, CA 92881
Let us know you're participating! Email ProjectHeART@hotmail.com for more information or to sign up!
Thanks for your participation in ProjectHeART!
PASS THiS ON iF YOU CARE
Join up to see about updates
Calling all artists!
Hospitals have no power. Families forced from their homes. The drinking water is polluted.The death count rises. This is not a third world country your watching on T.V, This is the United States, our home. People need our help. Help to survive and rebuild.
Grab a pen, a pencil or your brush, and help the victims of Hurricane Katrina!
Charity isn't always about dropping a buck in a coffee can
and right now it's about picking up a pen and lending your talent.
Project HeART is asking artists from tattooists to painters to pick up a 4”x6” index card and give heART! Design a realistic heart, paint a sacred heart, sketch a traditional heart- whatever your style may be, we want to combine your amazing talent with that of other great artists to help the victims of Katrina that have lost everything. We'll be gathering all works of art into one large piece for a charity auction on eBay, with all profits going to Habitat for Humanity. Don't have an index card? Or prefer working on another material? Any 4”x6” paper will do! Your contribution is more appreciated than you will know! Participants are asked to include their name, website, company, or other information that they would like attached to their work. Also send your email address to be made aware of the upcoming auction!
Spread the word and send your submissions by September 16, 2005 to:
Project HeART
c/o Brandon
1885 California Ave.
Corona, CA 92881
Let us know you're participating! Email ProjectHeART@hotmail.com for more information or to sign up!
Thanks for your participation in ProjectHeART!
src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/rattusphunk/projectheART-1.png" />
PASS THiS ON iF YOU CARE
DiRECTiONS:
CLiCK REPLY TO POSTER COPY ALL OF THiS AND POST iN A NEW BULLETiN
Friday, September 02, 2005
To paraphrase the Beatles...
Today is mah birthday! ber nr nr nr nr nr nr NR...Happy birthday to me! ber nr nr nr nr nr nr NR Today is mah birthday! ber nr nr nr nr nr nr NR....I hope I have a good time!
Eh, probably not, this is one of those low key ones. But, mama aged today, and the world spins on.
Eh, probably not, this is one of those low key ones. But, mama aged today, and the world spins on.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
