Inevitable Conclusion

Those of you who have read this blog in it's entirety, or those who simply know me fairly well, are aware of my dental dilemas. I found a more appropriate spelling of the disorder on the ADA's website, it's called Amelogenesis Imperfecta, not however I was spelling it previously (entry entitled Physical Features). If you are lost at this point, go back and read aforementioned entry, dated on Tuesday, July 27, 2004.
Okay, so yeah, my teeth suck, and are in a constant state of renovation. Well, we were hoping to do individual implants, but the rate of deterioration has just gone too fast and out of control, and has left me devastated.
I went in for my cleaning the other day, and Dr. Fiddler (bless her ridiculously pretty, gentle, and good hearted self) decided to go ahead and do a re-evaluation of the situation within my choppers. She sat me up with some nasty news. Three more molars are going to have to get removed, as they are completely beyond salvaging. At this point, that doesn't leave much to build a bridge off of. I was supposed to get implants on the back two molars that suffered at the hands of the infamous bagel rock, which would basically be all that would be left on the bottom for me to chew with. Three more in the front are in need of immediate root canals.
I was presented with two extremely undesireable options. Either pony up a decent chunk of money over the next two years (about 5,000 minimum each year), and go balls to the wall saving what we can in my mouth. Root canal and crown every one of them, yank the rest and try to build some bridges. But because of my condition, those crowns will probably only last about 10-15 years. But that is still a good chunk of years.
Option 2, dentures. Yank them all, get fitted with falsies, feel like a 92 year old. Problem with dentures is apparently once the teeth are officially MIA from the jaw, it begins to deteriorate, which is why old folks have wonky bites, because their jaw bone sunk into itself. This reduction takes about 20 years, which is why old folks don't usually give a crap about that risk. But 20 years only puts me at 45, not even old enough to join the AARP. I'd look like one of those psycho cracked out bitches you see messing with their denture plate on the corner. If I take this route, we'll do the top half first, as that part of the jaw deteriorates at a slower pace, then do the bottom in a year or two. Or say fuckit and go all at once, getting it over with. The first thing I thought of was the monumental expense, but my Dad, because he is so damn awesome, sqweezed my hand and told me he would figure it out. He knows we're broke.
I cried. Fuck, I bawled. I think even my dad cried when he came into the room and heard what I was facing. Since I was completely numb in the mouth from the deep cleaning I just underwent, I was reduced to scribbling out my queries onto a scrap of paper. I asked if this was all the Amelogenesis, and she slowly nodded. If I had been diagnosed at an earlier age, in my adolescence when the problems started, there were a good number of measures that could have prevented what I am going through now. I would've had to be on flouride, which is no biggy, and had a bonding agent put on all my teeth to sort of replace the missing enamel. But, no one caught it. I went to dentist after dentist, constantly having work done, always wondering why I needed so much when I brushed & flossed like a Obsessive Compulsive. I was ignored, at first just called 'unlucky'. But as the work needed increased, I found myself facing dentists who swore I was either a bulemic or a drug addict. One threw me out of his office, saying a person like me couldn't possibly afford what needed to be done, so he wasn't going to "waste his time". Another turned me away saying he didn't have time for the work I needed long term, but wouldn't bother referring me elsewhere. Yet another sent me off to get a consult for gum surgery and "counseling". The few that didn't flat out send me off of the chair were no less helpful, hemming and hawing at 'the worst case they'd ever seen', which is so fucking great for the ego, let me tell ya. These assholes couldn't crack a fucking book and tell me what I had. And because of their arrogance, at the fairly young age of 25 I am facing life without my own teeth. Spending my later years looking like a train wreck.
Depression doesn't begin to cover what I feel inside. Rick and Dad are trying so hard to keep my chin up, bless them both. They know dentures are the better option, because then I wouldn't have to be embarrassed at all of my smile, because I'd have a complete set. And I know they are right. But these are my teeth. Everything that I've had thrown at me in the last few months, Rick's breakdown, Adam's drug problems, Dad's loss of his beloved pet, the poverty we've faced, I could handle it. But this is me, and I can't cope with a problem I can't sit outside of. Knowing they'll be false makes me feel weak, old, and pathetic. I don't care if they'll be complete, they'll be fucking dentures, and that's gross for a 25 year old to have. I know this is an extremely shallow and juvenile way of looking at it, but seriously, you know that's how a lot of people think.
Back when I first got the fillings in my teeth, I was so proud. I showed them to an acquaintance, who turned to his friend and said "Oh, God, you should have seen her before. It looked like someone dumped an ashtray into her mouth". So, this will be better? What'll come out now? "She was so trashy she had to have dentures by the time she was 25"?
I can't stop being upset about this. I hate my previous dentist's for not catching this. I hate myself for having it. I hate myself for knowing I am about to cost my family a lot of money. I hate being afraid that Rick will leave me because he's embarrassed, or tired of seeing skyrocketing dental bills, when we don't even have enough money to fix our car. I hate myself for being shallow enough to be wanting to throw myself off a bridge for needing dentures. But they are my teeth. And now I am losing them.
I am not allowing comments on this post, I know I have enemies who read this who would love to kick me while I am down. And I am too far down right now to deal with that.