Physical Features

*sigh*...Anthony's in a nap war again...

Do you ever find yourself obsessively checking out certain physical features on other people that are on yourself otherwise flawed? I'm not talking about if you hate your haircut you look at other hairstyles...I mean if you have a huge nose that you are not happy with, so therefor you are constantly noticing the shape of other people's noses. You'll stare at how theirs fits on their face perfectly like Jessica Simpson.
I do this, not the nose though. Maybe if you don't and I do it's because I'm 'priviledged' to have an extremely fucked up physical feature that bothers me deeply. My teeth. Before I got the porcelain amalgam put on the front ones, it looked like an acid-tripping ice sculpture had taken a pick to my front teeth hap-hazardly. The dentist filled in the rough spots, and I was able to smile for a while. But then when I was pregnant, I lost one of my canines, and then shortly after giving birth the crown on my front incisor fell off. So I'm missing two teeth near the front and am back to being ashamed.
I've mastered the subtle art of turning my head down and covering my face when I laugh, and speaking with as little of my choppers showing as possible. Not many really notice it. But some people do. I hate the fact that people, even my 'friends', think I don't know I have bad teeth. Like I could not fucking notice every time I look in the mirror. Like I don't pick up on the slight cringe and shock if I do smile openly. The few who think that speaking up might be 'helpful', the enevitable comment of "Have you ever thought of getting your teeth fixed?" that pops up is what is the worst. Like, no I haven't, I like fucking having this shit going on in my mouth, barely able to eat solid foods, too embarrassed to smile in public. I just happen to have the $40,000 it'll require to fix them properly, but I wanted to spend it on shoes. Pardon the irony, but BITE me.
Enamel Genesis Imperfecta. That's what the doctor finally explained to me. It's a condition formed at birth, but not apparent until all the adult teeth are in, and by then, it's usually too late. The teeth come in without enamel on them, not properly anyways. If you could see enamel like you could see paint, mine would look like a really shitty primer job on a white trash camero, uneven, flaky, and missing in many spots. My teeth came in unprotected by several layers of enamel that normal people have, and thus, they didn't have a fighting chance at surviving past my early adulthood. I just got to enjoy a few years with exposed tooth pulp in my mouth, highly sensitive, easily stained, and constantly breaking and chipping. Doc says one by one my teeth will be replaced with implants as the years go on. it's better than dentures, apparently. But five times as expensive, so I'll get like 1 new tooth per year or something, and pray to god the others don't fall out too quickly.
She's giving me this thing called a 'flipper', which will fit into my mouth like a retainer. It'll have little fake teeth in it to replace the ones in front I am missing, so I can kinda look normal again. I cried when she showed it to me. I get it on August 11th, so I'll post a picture when that happens. Can you believe I've avoided having my picture taken since my son was born? if he looks back through his childhood photos, I wonder if he'll be curious about where Mommy was. Is 'hiding my face' a viable answer?