Dear Bob

Over the last few months, I really, really wished you had been here. A the beginning of my "nightmare", I just wanted you there to hug me fiercely like you always did. Gnash your teeth at the world with me, help me scream out the rage I felt. You would've been there, holding my hands, telling me to be strong. "Fuck that guy!" you would have yelled. "Fuck him, fuck the other douche, fuck everyone who's fucking with you!" It was your favourite word. I had a cheerleading squad, don't worry, but I have a feeling you would've actually attempted to dress as one to get me to smile. Then offer me a hate screw, because you of course had to throw in a sexual innuendo there. But I loved you for that. Hell, I like to think you still watch over me, if for nothing more than a chance to look down my shirt.

I've thought so much of you, everytime I strive to get through the hard times. The irony of everything is that you always told me never to give up, to keep fighting. You were a ROCK, just not to yourself. You told me you loved me because I was a "badass bitch", so I've spent the last few months finding that within me. And now that I've overcome so much...jesus, I just wish you could see all this. You'd be so proud. I can see your smile, telling me how proud you are that I got through this. I didn't give up. I fought. Oh, Bob, I just wish you had, too. I wish you could be standing here with me at this mountain top. You deserved to see what that victory would have looked like.

Last night we began the tattoo commemorating you, and what you meant to me. You would have appreciated the body mod aspect. We're turning you into a literal Bobgoblin, just like you said you were. And the sheild you carry reads "Never Give Up". You will be that protector of mine forever. You gave up, Bob, but you made me promise I never would. So I won't, and I will brand that upon my skin to remind me. I got through all of this and have come out into an amazing, beautiful world full of promise and hope. I wish you could have. You deserved this reward, to see how amazing it can be when you fight hard enough.

We didn't finish the piece last night, so I'll have to go back for a second sitting. But your face is done, and smiles at me from my leg. I cried when I saw it, I miss that smile so much.

I love you and I miss you. And I still can't say goodbye. And I refuse to now, because I shouldn't have had to. I will carry you with me, because I know you are already with me.