Find your own Joy

During the holiday season, one can't help but reflect on their lives, or the lives surrounding them which affect them. I think about the good times during the year (which are few), and of the harder times (which are many). I think perhaps this year of them all has been the hardest I have ever faced in my few years of existence. Those who know me have been privy to the hurdles this current year has thrown in my path, and thankfully I have those few friends who have shown me the overwhelming support I needed to get through them. I have only written in this blog a fraction of the issues I have faced, because, quite frankly, most people would stop reading this thing on a casual basis had I aired all the drama. But more importantly, there is one important reason I chose not to air my greivances with fate...
Many people have faced a difficult 2005. Look at those who have survived the hurricanes in the South, or the earthquakes in the Middle East. There are people who have lost loved ones, lost livelihoods, lost their whole lives in a matter of a few minutes. There are many worse hells out there than my own. To dwell upon my own would be completely and utterly selfish, and serve no purpose but to depress me and those around me.
I read on other blogs and forums of people who have faced their own hardships. In their own small universe, there is nothing tougher than their own dramafied bullshit, and that frankly disgusts me. Although a part of me wants to scream "Your problems are bullshit!!!!" I refrain, and instead let me inner buddha come out. Icewind would be so damn proud.
What am I trying to say here? Well, the title of this entry says it all. You see, folks, life was never designed to be fair. It's a learning experience. Each trial we face is to shape us into (hopefully) stronger individuals. Although I'd love to say "be thankful for the small things in life" one must do more than that. You really must find your own joy. Mine is, and will always be, my son. Through every hardship and painful moment, I had a bright shining two year old looking up to me with his beautiful blue eyes. The pain our world inflicts upon us is unknown to such a young mind. He doesn't understand dental surgery, family turmoil, or troubling finances. He understands the Wiggles, Hugs are Good, and Tickling is the Greatest Thing ever. He is wholly devoted to the game of peekaboo. Mommy is always beautiful, and shouting never occurs in the same room as him (unless it's directed towards him, as in "GET OFF THE CAT").
Through my son, every day has a tomorrow, and life will go on and things will be worked out. To say I really do live for him is an understatement. My troubles will always seem manageable, because to provide him a good life, they simply must be. Whenever I think "I can't take this anymore", I realize that there isn't a choice in that matter, I will have to make it work for his benefit. But this isn't a matter of burden, but more of a calming relief. Everything will be okay, because it has to be.
Hal Sparks wrote on his own website, "If you don't sing your song, nobody will". I'm not sure if he's paraphrasing someone. Life isn't going to give you a fair go at it. To the people who keep thinking it will, stop feeling so damn entitled. Find your own joy, sing your own song, and sing it loudly. This is the best advice I can give anyone into the new year.
Happy Holidays, readers and friends. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some singing to do.