My child is Epic

So, I had kiddo's parent teacher conference last night. Man, those things are short now! Or maybe I just think they are. Since he's in special education, it's not just me and a teacher. It's me, his general ed class teacher, the special ed teacher, 2 para-educators, a speech therapist, and a behavioralist. Crowded room! But we still only get a half an hour to discuss everything, form his math progress (which is a llittle behind, but that was expected), reading progress (which the teachers couldn't stop gushing over how awesome he is), writing progress (moving at a fast clip as well), and the clincher...behavioral progress. It's a slow road there. They find it next to impossible at times to get him to focus, and have resorted to a rather interesting method of scripting to get him to fall in line. They give him little cards that say step by step what he's supposed to be doing, like "Circle time: I will sit on the floor. I will put my hands in my lap. I will listen to the book quietly. I will not get up and run around. I will wait til the end of the story to speak. I will raise my hand before I speak". Apparently this is working pretty well for them, especially considering he can read the entire card on his own. His special ed teacher said she will see him staring at the cards and repeating the instructions back to himself, over and over. He really does want to behave. He just has an incredibly hard time focusing. The teachers said it's like his mind is going a mile a second and he's struggling to wrangle it under control. Ha! I can definitely say I know where he gets it. Some people have said talking to me is liking trying to talk to a hyperactive kitten who keeps finding string.
So, after we get over the initial progress stuff, the special ed teacher takes me into the other room to BS. As we walk in, she asks me if I knew about the "wet paper towel story". I cautiously said no, but realized wuickly I was in for a doozy when three other teachers came in giggling "are you telling the paper towel story? I loved that!!!" Dear god, my child is legendary...

THE WET PAPER TOWEL INCIDENT

Anthony went to the bathroom by himself, and was taking an unusually long time. The para-ed was getting a little worried, when all the sudden kiddo ran into the room, grabbed her hand, and said "Ms. Hanthorn, do you want to see something wonderful???"
She followed him into the bathroom, where he proceeded to proudly show her his discovery that if you fling a wet paper towel onto the wall, it will stick. This discovery led him to create a massive tactile mural across the entire bathroom wall. Trees and smiley faces. With mushy wet paper towels. She said she felt awful trying to admonish him for it, because he was just so damn PROUD of this accomplishment.
So, a few days later, when kiddo requested to use the bathroom, they decided to head off the potential for disaster by sending him with another student. This student was very "prim and proper, and a model of reserved behavior", so they were sure he'd keep kiddo in line. Ha!
As time passed, the teacher got worried, so decided to go see what was going on. As she pushed open the door, the first thing she sees is this other student standing in the middle of the bathroom with a look of abject horror across his little face. On the other side of the bathroom is kiddo, proudly creating another masterpiece. He looked up and saw the teacher, and gleefully cried, "Ms. Young, watch THIS!" thwaaaaaaaack. Apparently he thought she'd be just as fascinated as he was. At this point, Ms. Young pointed out is is very hard to admonish a child for misbehaving when they are so dang proud of their accomplishment (also, when you are trying not to laugh so hard you are tearing up).
A few days later, kiddo was allowed to go to the bathroom on his own, being excused from the gen ed class. Now, because of kiddo, there is a little blue line taped onto the floor from the gen ed room (and the specialist room), going directly to the bathroom. He tends to get easily sidetracked, so they put the little track there for him to follow. Since the specialist room is between the gen ed and bathroom, Ms. Young can look up and see kiddo trucking by on his little line. Often times she'll hear him repeating his "going to the bathroom correctly" script to himself as he shuffles. This is the hilarity she witnessed:
Step step step. pause in front of specialist room.
"do we stop and go in room 3? Nooooo..." little wag of the finger.
step step step. pause at hallway intersection.
"do we go running down the other hall? Nooooo...." little wag of the finger.
step step step. pause in front of bathroom door.
"do we throw wet paper towels at the bathroom wall? no no no no no!" in a little sing songy voice, before a little jump, and pushed open the bathroom door.
At this point, she, and two other teachers who witnessed his little jaunt, fell over laughing in tears.