Every Woman, huh?

Lord knows I make an odd example of femininity. Cheryl always said I was quite girly, tho, but I think because I happen to know my way around the kitchen. Culinary skill does not a "woman" make, tho, in my opinion. Not that I've ever been super clear on what does make a woman...I just know I don't do well at a lot of womanly pursuits (fashion, makeup, social graces, seduction, etc), especially when I look at how much emphasis women's magazines put on those things. I just don't read those rags, they always had a way of making me feel insecure. Every time I try to embrace that side of life and buy a Cosmo, I end up in a mild panic two hours later as I try and figure out how to apply eye shadow and lament at the obvious inadequacy of my wardrobe.
I didn't even really mean to stumble on this article, for some reason it was attached to a cooking article I was reading. *sigh* My one bit of domestication, I suppose.

Self Magazine's "8 Things Every Woman Should Know" I thought could have been rather helpful, but instead left me feeling a bit bitter about the re-domestication of women in our society. While I think some of these things are helpful skills for any person to know, they are far from necessary. To imply that specifically women should know them...well, I found it chauvinistic. Let's go over their list, shall we?

Sew a Button: Well, ok, but I think this is one of those "every person" type things. especially considering men typically wear shirts that have delicate buttons that constantly pop off.

Tie a necktie: I've never learned how to do this. Why? Because I don't wear neckties. To me, this is like telling a man he should know how to adjust corset laces. Cute, but not something to put on a "should know" list...

Do a basic waltz: I blame "Dancing with the stars" for this appearing on any damn list. I mean, seriously, how could this possibly be helpful...ever?!

Hang a picture: ok, again, something all humans should know. This and the next one seem to me to be more suited for "things every young person about to live on their own should know".

Throw a yard sale: why it needs to be more complicated than "put your unwanted crap outside" is beyond me...

Compost: every man, woman, and child should know this. I'm glad it appeared on any list.

Roast a chicken: ...but I don't like chicken....

Mix the perfect Martini: wait, what? I'm sorry, putting this and the necktie thing on a list like this made me think the list was written in the damn fifties. Are we all to be expecting James Bond to walk in the door with a crooked tie, ask us to dance, and quite possibly need to be fed? I mean, really??

Build a Fire: wow, the only one I could actually agree with. Yes, women should know how to do this.

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*Sigh* I'm curious, what would've appeared on a list of things every man should know? How to golf, read sports statistics, things like that? God help whoever writes one based on this one, and puts "how to order your martini" on it...

Heck, I'd put a bunch of this stuff above on a list for men. Tie your own damn neckties, and feed me for a change.

But I don't think I've ever seen a list of things for men. And I'm not a man, so I can't begin to write one. And I'm sure if I was feeling even snarkier I could come up with a decent one, which would no doubt would contain knowing how to make the perfect creme brulee and how to properly manipulate jewelry clasps so we don't have to fumble with necklaces behind our heads.

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But I think I can put together a list of a few things every woman should know, so here:

How to prepare basic meals: While I think the whole "roast chicken" things smacks of over-domesticity and Martha Stewart, it does worry me to see women depending on fast food or those atrocious ready made frozen meals that are marketed to the feminine demographic. Lean Cuisine? bleeeech.

How to effectively manage finances: I'm not talking about going as indepth as setting up an IRA and managing mutual funds, but I think every woman should know how to keep that checkbook as close to above water as possible. Far to many of us are clueless here, and yes I do lump myself in there. I'm in Chapter 13 bankruptcy because of my failings, not to mention managed to get screwed not just once but TWICE by living with a significant other who bled me dry.

Basic Auto & home maintanance: I don't have a car to fiddle with, but you are damn right I can fix most of my own household problems. I replace my own toilet parts, fix the clogged sink, and replace the garbage disposal when needed. I've replaced electrical sockets and fixed cabinets. I've taught the cable dude a thing or two. Incidentally, the ability to do these things comes from two places. 1) the packages for most of the stuf you need to replace (toilet plunger, for example) come with detailed instructions. 2) GOOGLE. Seriously.

How to ask for a raise: We all complain about making 75 cents to a man's dollar, but half of the reason is because we act too meek to freaking ASK for it. Don't be emotional, don't be squirelly girlly, just demand a damn raise.

How to fix/alter your own clothing: Women's clothing is cheap and abundant, and many would rather just chuck that cute pair of pants or skirt because the seam split. Save yourself the cost of a wardrobe and pick up a book on needle basics.

How to find a therapist: Or at least stop listening to magazines like Cosmo and Self for your damn relationship advice. About the only thing I find helpful in them is the rare makeup tip that works for a freakishly pale Italian, and a few work out changes to my routine. Their sex advice? I dare you to ask a man to actually read them and tell you if it'll work on them. I'm going to guess he'll be horrified. Relationship advice? Are you FUCKING serious? If women are actually following the advice in these things, its amazing more men haven't switched to the other team (or just checked into loony bins, because that shit would drive any human crazy). Seriously, THERAPY girls. It does amazing things for you.