Telebastards

As anyone who has read...oh...any given entry in here, I am not one known for my patience when it comes to mindless idiots in consumer services. I used to work in customer service, and believe it or not, I was a nice and friendly gal (screaming quietly within). I was patient and knowledgeable in the field I was representing, because, well, that's what you are supposed to BE as a customer rep. So how is it that every other drooling fucktard that can verbalize the company name gets a job these days?!
*sigh* Enter my newest hell. Back in October, my mother realized she had an extra phone from her AT&T cell plan that she wasn't using. It wasn't activated, but was a decent cell phone, which I could 'easily' hook onto my own prepaid plan if I so chose. All I had to do was take it into an AT&T store for them to reprogram a new number for me, and make sure they knew it was in my possession instead of Mom's (I think it was for her phone insurance). Of course I snagged it, and it came in relatively handy when I went down for the Orange County fiasco. As my prepaid phone card dwindled from dropped after friggin dropped call, I decided I'd just keep it for emergencies and pray to high heaven it didn't fail me when I needed it.
So, it's now JANUARY, I'm in a new house, and all the sudden I get an AT&T bill...for my prepaid phone. Yup, I was a bit befuddled myself. Also at the fact that underneith my name, but above my addressm s printed my mom's name. So, since this thing is addressed to me, at my address, I open it. I proceed to stare at a $214.25 phone bill!!! Now, as I am on a prepaid plan, this fries my tender little brain, so I go and look at where these charges are coming from. Well, I never made these calls, and it's not my phone number it's billing. I finally realize I am holding my mother's phone bill. By the way, if you are wondering how my mom could make that many calls, she didn't, my brother has a cell phone on her plan. Kid's a gabber!
So, I call mom and update her on her new dilemma. I can certainly mail her her bill, but any new ones will still apparently come to me, and I don't need any more delinquent payments in my name (bill in question was already quite late). She's swamped at her new job, and since this bill is coming to me at my address and to my name, I figured I'd call and settle it with AT&T. How wrong I was!
Okay, I hate hate hate hate those ridiculous voice prompt customer service systems, you know, the 'friendly' voice recognition ones (for people apparently to stupid to actually figure out how to press 2 for payment options). It asks chirpily for the phone number in question, which, since it's on the bill, I chirp right back. Now, had my son been awake, I'm sure the system would've thought my phone number was "yayaya, yayaya, baaaa baaaa GOOOOO five eight." But then, a few prompt chirping bits later, it asks me for the SSN on the phone plan. I don't know my mother's SSN. I don't even know if my mom has an SSN (she's not a natural US citizen). So, I say "I dunno". It proceeds to ask me this stupid question four more times. Each time I say "I don't know", my voice gets more and more aggitated. Finally, it gives up and assumes I am a driveling idiot that it will now transfer to a customer billing agent. But then, after a couple seconds, the system HANGS UP. For any of you readers who have seen me in the flesh when I am irritated you can pretty much visualize my eyebrow twitching, lip pursed, teeth clenched aggrevated state.
I calmly punch the redial button, and get through the phone system again, although now I am not chirping, I am barking at the thing. Another four I Don't Fucking Knows later, I have a human! I explain to him the mess up. He asks for...my SSN. I repeat to him verbatim the situation again, that I am not Monica Jaynes (mom), I am Sharona Spangler (name number 1 on the bill, although it's not my bill). He says he can't discuss the bill with me if I don't have Monica's information. I explain I don't have Monica's information because Monica does not live at my house, where they erroneously sent the bill. Captain Dipshit (which has now become this man's name) reads off his little screen that he cannot discuss the billing information with me if I am not Monica. I ask him if he sees my name on his little screen. Captain Dipshit reads for a minute (I'm assuming at this point he's a slow bus kinda guy) then says yes. I tell him I know my own information because I live at this address. He pauses and then...he can't discuss the billing information with me if I am not Monica. I ask how my name is then on the account with my address. He says "Because you are the primary on the account". So, if I am the primary, why is it that I cannot get the billing address corrected? "Because Monica is who is billed for the account". Now, if Monica is being billed (as she rightly should be, my name shouldn't be anywhere on the account since I am a prepaid customer and shouldn't be the primary of anything), then why is it going to my address?! You guessed it, without missing a damn beat Captain Dipshit's response is "I cannot discuss that information with you if you are not Monica."
Click.
So, friends and future guests to my home, that is why there is an AT&T cell phone imbedded in the wall of our living room.