My cat has a weight problem. now, everyone knows this because, after all, his the fat fuck's official name is CHUNK. But his desperately needing to shed some of the flub has recently come into a glaring light.
In our living room, there's two babygates, one from the hall and one to the kitchen. The kitchen one is higher, and I can't get over it if I am wearing a skirt. The cats usual method of hopping over is to get to leap to the top, teeter for a moment, and then hop down. A few times, under Chunk's weight mid-totter the gate has toppled. We found his expression of terror hysterical as he psuedo-surfed the gate to it's crash landing.
Well, recently, Chunk can't even get his lardass over the gate at all. The first few times it happened he'd attempt the jump to the top, not make it and hang by his front paws with a ridiculous look on his face in a mid-pullup type stance. This was, of course, only made funnier by the slow decent of sliding down the back, as if he wasn't quite admitting defeat. All of this event was announced loudly by a gigantic bang as he hit the back of the gate in the unsuccessful leap, and you could look over and see two orange paws, a pair of upset eyes, and two ears slowly reced back behind the gate where he started.
Well, apparently the embarrassment was too great, and he now refuses to even try jumping. He'll sit behind the gate meowing pathetically until someone goes over and lifts his enormous self over the gate, like a human forklift. I finally put two chairs on either side of the gate so that he could jump to them before trying to clear his ass over the top, and it seems to be working.
With the latest development in the saga of my cat's obesity problem, I'm seriously wondering if I should attempt putting him on one of those diet kibbles. I mean, if he's that friggin' heavy and it's causing loss of coordination, wouldn't it be wrecking havoc on his joints? Is he at risk for a kitty heart attack?
I swear, between the severe retardation of Devon, and Chunk's mammoth belly, I seriously wonder what the hell is wrong with me and pets.
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A Baby on the hip and a chip on the shoulder.
1 comment:
I sympathize. I have a rotund cat of my own. Miranda lives outside, thank god as her weight has contributed to rather shottey bladder control. We have a cat door in our garage so that she can come and go as she pleases but about a month ago, I went outside and heard the most pitiful whining. I'm sure it started out as yowling but by the time I went outside her voice had long since gone horse so it was a mere whimper. I admit part of me felt very bad but the rest of me laughed my ass off. She had gotten stuck Half way in and half way out of the cat door. Her fat belly had high centered her and she couldn't move. I have now placed bricks on either side of the cat door so that she no longer has to reach that horrifying 6 inches from the cat door to the floor. The bricks seem to give her enough traction that she can pull herself through. I recently put her on a diet and while the food is expensive she has lost a few pounds. I noticed just yesterday that her belly wasn't dragging on the ground.
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