Facts of Fornication

Being that I randomly get emails in regards to my former occupation (not to mention the umpteen questions I get upon friends discovering it), I figured I'd set the record straight on exactly what I used to do. Heck, I may even give a few highlights on my trip down memory lane.
Yes, I worked in the adult industry. I've made no secret of it, save to a choice few members of my family. Yes, both my parents know what I did, although my mother only knew after the fact. My dad? Well, he knew the day before my first interview (and yes, strippers get interviewed). So, what exactly did I do? I worked as a stripper, the ol' standard pole dancing, stage humping naked gyrating to a three minute crappy 80's tune and give you a lap dance if you are nice kinda stripper. But that really didn't last that long. I hated the personal contact, and the backbiting of the other dancers was too much for me. So, I went to what I stuck to the longest, and what ultimately led to meeting my husband, online porn. Although that sounds plenty lurid, it was actually quite dull. I sait in front of a computer for 6 hours. Half the time, in lingerie, the rest of the time...not in lingerie. During the clothed portion, I was just luring people into the VIP area, and chatting, basically. I had a microphone on the camera, so it was pretty cake. The rest of the time I was in the VIP room and my hands were, shall we say, occupied. But, for the record, only with MYSELF. I never onced boinked some guy on camera. There was one occassion when I got to play around with a girl in there, but she and I knew eachother, and it was not something our bosses expected of us. It was just fun. The whole experience, was well, unique. I had my up days and down days. Most of the men there were ridiculously nice (if a bit obsessive), although we'd get those choice few who were complete retards, or just utter assholes and sexual deviants who probably shouldn't be unleashed on society. If they were overly abusive, they got a friendly little boot from our onstaff moderator. Yes, he was paid, and he sat in another room operating the cameras and technical equipment. The VIP room was actually a seperate room, and it had three wall mounted cameras that could be moved by our tech's remote control. The camera designated to be on our face was for some reason the one all us girls denoted as the 'tech cam', so if we were trying to talk to him, we'd look at that one. Or we'd make goofy faces to see if he was still awake. It got to be a pretty dull gig at times, especially since I always worked the grave shifts. I liked it because there was less people, and we felt like we could get away with more. In the VIP room, we were supposed to be getting down to business (and this was every half hour), but we usually didn't. We'd chat, or appease the fetish guys.
show me your feet! Show me te toeeeeeeeees!!!!!
I ultimately ended there shortly after Rick and I were together, and returned to the 'normal world'. I sold commercial printing for a spell, and then attempted to work for an escrow office. I say attempted because teh jackoff I worked for there was an utter freak with a penchant for screaming at the topic of his lungs and taking great pleasure in watching me get flustered. Unfortunately, this asswipe knew my former occupation, and chose to finally bring it in full glaring view when he gave me some tirade about only being pretty to look at, but not much good for anything else. Of course, as he attempted to conclude his rant by wrapping up with some nonsense about knowing how to grow watermelons (which was about knowing how to grow things as opposed to knowing when to give up...bla bla bla), I had calmly packed my things, and then threw his keys in his face and screamed "I'm not a fucking farmer you asshole!" and stormed out of his office. Yeah, ti went realllllllly well.
I tried to work for another net porn company, but their pay was erratic and the owners were really shady, so I split and went to the infamous Deja Vu. I chose to work downstairs, in the peep booths, though. Really, it ended up being the best of both worlds. I had the good pay possible with working live, but a lovely glass screen keeping the ruddy hands o' the public far away from my derriere. Hell, I could still tune them out and pretend they were the faceless denizens of the net I was accustomed to by just looking at the reflection on my side of the glass. But boy, I guess something about a tattooed girl with black hair screams "I love the freaks!" because boy did I get them. I seemed to be the exclusive Freak Mistress there for a while. Guys with any kind of fetish, from the tame foot lovers to the out-there "please can I have a glass of your urine?" ones. Actually, I kid you not I was dispensing my own bodily fluids at least once a week there. Got paid pretty dang well for them, too. The most awkward was the guy who just wanted to watch me brush my hair. ah, well, easy money.
Yeah, I had some ridiculously shitty days there, too. Especially towards the end. It was already off season, and my pregnant belly was just starting to show. I was hormonal like a friggin' hurricane. Seriously, Tom Cruise had nothin' on my mood swings. The customers were getting fewer and fewer, and the money was trickling. When I didn't get picked for a show, I was devastated. I worked a few days there making absolutely NOTHING. Luckily, I had a boss from heaven. I swear, both the guys who managed there were amazingly nice people. We all sat down and agreed I should go ahead and quit before I got to the point of being one of those bitter angry strippers who would randomly curse out customers. And that was that. Yes, this is the briefest possible summary I could possibly give to the collective 3 years of my life spent in the buff. I may eventually try and publish the book I wrote about my experiences.
Since I am trying to set the record straight here, once and for all...I was NEVER a prostitute. I was NEVER a private dancer, although I tagged along once with a friend who was and decided that one gig was enough. I NEVER had sex with a customer, unless you count my husband. I was NEVER in porn as far as having sex with a person whom I wasn't already intimate with on camera. So, that's that. Any questions?