My position at work now requires about 50 hours a week from me, and you can add to that a 1.5 hour commute each way via the lovely community transit system. Somewhere in the hellish week that this creates I need to sqweeze in quality time with my son, snuggle time with boyfriend, maintain social communication with friends and family, and work in the mystery referred to as "me time". Eat and sleep are entirely a bother.
I manage, though, and I must say feel entirely kickasss for doing so. One can either crawl into a corner of self-pity and get overwhelmed, or say "fuck it, balls to the wall baby!", which is what I've opted for. I tackle each problem I get handed immediately (and boy are there a lot of them), and keep lots of little prioritized lists around me so I don't loose track.
I work right next to a grocery store, and live next to one as well, so I get what I need between lunch hours and late night trips when I am sans baby. God bless 24hr safeway.
I use my commute time to chat with friends/family on my cell phone (yes, I tuck myself in a back seat so no one hears my babble), and on my late night commute I unwind to good music and scribble in my notepad (making lists, or writing out a blog entry like this).
I created a financial "schedule" of sorts. Now that I make manager's pay, I can finally start playing catch up with bills, and the large sum I owe my father for covering my ass with rent and babysitting fees. I should be well into the red in about 1 month.
My days off are really spent to the utmost completeness that I can. Mornings I run basic errands, and the rest of the day I have a blast with my son. After I tuck him in, my nights off are spent wrapped in Scott's arms, which I have decided is the greatest place on earth.
Do I still have shitty, tear-out-my-hair-and-scream-at-the-cat days? Of course. Hell, I've re-defined the term "throw pillow", not to mention a few not so plushy items (I do miss that coffee cup, though). I had a 400$ phone stolen right from under my nose at the store today, which will kill my profit bonus this month, on the same day I found out my part-timer put in for a transfer because he's moving, which leaves me with 1 employee (who neglected to return from her lunch hour this morning. I had to schedule myself a 70 hour, no day off workweek in two weeks because I am fucked on staff and have too many other work obligations pulling me out of the store on vital days. My ex is constantly calling me to arrange to pick up Anthony when he can't, and my babysitter bill has become overwhelming with him not picking up our son in a timely fashion, and I have to be "civil" about this, and "work with him", despite the fact that I have and do constantly, and constantly get screwed over and get treated like shit by him.
But that's life in this world. I suck it up, take a deep breath, and find my inner peace. After I hurl a few random objects across the living room, I flop on the couch, close my eyes, and bask in the recent memory of one beautiful 4th of July spent lazing on the beach with my son, dad, and scott. It was the perfect day. We went to the parade, had a picnic on the beach, waited for Rick to grab anthony for his fireworks festivities, and then watched Superman at the theater. Dad brought us back here, we watched the explosions from my balcony, and then made a few fireworks of our own ;)I am managing this with aplomb, and I feel like a superhero myself at
the end of the day. Granted, I suck down caffeine like a mofo to keep up this pace, but I wouldn't have it any other way. My life is hectic, and at times feels like it is going at the speed and control of a runaway train. But I remember that there is a beautiful, happy little blue eyed boy who is full of giggles and silly noises that I get the priveledge of providing a home and a bright future for. I think of that little bare belly and goofy grin as he tosses rock after rock into the water because that just REALLY seemed like a brilliant plan for the afternoon. I think of the two other amazing men in my life, who have supported me immensely and held my hand through every frantic phone call, every sudden "please pick up anthony" phone call made ten minutes after they get to their respective homes, every dollar I've had to borrow to get my ass on the bus to work. I think of how lucky I am to have Scott, who treats me like a princess, and Anthony like his own crown prince. My father who inspired me as a single parent to get through it gracefully and only think of my son's best interests by his own fine example.Every moment is precious, every moment needs to be sqweezed for everything it can get. I work hard, I play hard, and I live a damn full life.
